I know this is only the second installment of our “What the Hell?” series, but I wanted to approach it a little differently than @Bill_The_Intern did in his review of Red Lantern 21. I was kind of worried about trying to attempt this article, simply because I knew if I read the whole comic my mind would try to rationalize what really happened and make it not as funny (Also since this comic is the complete series wrapped in one book, it would work against me.) So I decided that I would play comic roulette and try and decipher what is going on in a story based on ONE image. You know? Flip, point, shoot! For those of you that have read this comic, please excuse my complete lack of knowledge in story lines, names, faces, and any other thing that I destroy writing this. I’m going to give you three theories of how we land here in the story and where I think it’s going. So let’s dive in….
Here’s the page I landed on.
Theory Number 1:
What got us here?
It had been a rough week for Henry Pym (Giant-Man). He had been losing The Ultimates’ annual prank war by a wide margin. Thor and Captain America pulled out all the stops this year, and Pym was on the receiving end of most of them; everything from gallons of Log Cabin syrup being poured in his hair while he slept, to using his tighty whities as a hot air balloon. You have to be pretty crafty to prank a giant. I imagine this is where the commercials for Messin’ with Sasquatch came from. Pym was just an easy target. Everything had been pretty light hearted up until they decided throwing all his clothes away would go down in the prank war history books.
Where’s it going?
Little did Thor and Captain America know that their plan would completely back fire. Pym had been waiting for a moment like this and released an incinerating unfiltered fart that can only be explained as death. Filling the room to the brim everyone smelled the vengeance of Giant-Man. Since everyone in the room immediately passed out Pym immediately this should be used as a weapon for future battles. The SBD is now a calling card for all enemies to beware. (Look I know it’s just a fart joke, but you have a 40ft naked man. Come on, what do you expect me to say!)
Theory Number 2:
What got us here?
Jello Shots
Where’s it going?
After devouring an unhuman amount of alcohol and completely disrobing in what he thought was all fun and games. Pym really exposed his terrible alcohol addiction. He’ll go on to eventually be summoned to a dimly lit meeting room at an Holiday Inn where he believes that he is meeting his long lost aunt, only to discover Janet (his wife) and The Ultimates all waiting with letters in hand to have an intervention. He’ll hang up his suit in exchange for sessions of Tai Chi and group counseling; ultimately finding happiness without the desire to scar little children by streaking his gigantic third leg around. That would be terrifying.
Theory #3:
What got us here?
In an attempt to find new ways to fight off enemies on a restricted budget, The Ultimates wondered how mentally damaging it would be for Pym to fight naked. Several tests were done, and great success was seen by test subjects.
Where is it going?
While first tests of the mental naked warfare went well, it quickly dawned on the Ultimates how awkward a man fighting naked looks…specifically roundhouse kicks. Actually, most everything that Pym did while naked made everyone on the team extremely uncomfortable. Only problem was that Pym had become accustomed to fighting naked and thought it helped make his hands look bigger. The Ultimates quickly made a plan to dissuade Pym from continuing his birthday suit antics and is scene in the final page fully clothed. Good thing too, as citizens were growing tired of having to explain to their children that they should not play super heroes outside when pretending to be Giant-Man. Oddly, sales in Giant-Man costumes tripled once he returned to his suit.