(This review is brought to you by guest contributor Austin Carter, worlds biggest Coheed fan.)
Does the new Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles live up to the hype? Well.. sort of.
First, let me start off by saying, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are my jam. I grew up pretty much being a Ninja Turtle. I had every movie on VHS, dressed up as them for Halloween, and even collected all the action figures my parents would buy me. So it is the least to say that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are near and dear to my heart. Now, enough with nostalgia Austin, How was the movie?
I WANT to say it was perfect, I want to say that more than anything, but I can’t. It wasn’t perfect, now that’s not to say it isn’t a great movie. It is a fantastically flawed movie, and I highly recommend seeing it first before you assume anything. I’ll start with the casting. Things I liked and didn’t like.
Casting:
There must have been some hard drugs involved in the casting of this movie, because anyone in their right mind would NOT have cast Megan Fox as April O’Neill. I cannot stress that enough. As soon as I saw her on screen, and she started to speak, instant disappointment. April O’Neill who is a smart, edgy reporter is turned into a dull, blank faced woman with big breasts and a nice body that is ogled at throughout the movie by her cameraman Vernon Fenwick, played by Will Arnett. Vernon Fenwick is meant to be a comic relief, he is the furthest thing from it. I did not crack a smile at any of the empty, awkward things he had to say throughout the movie. The one thing this movie nailed correctly with the casting is the Turtles themselves. Johnny Knoxville as Leonardo, Alan Ritchson as Raphael, Jeremy Howard as Donatello, and Noel Fisher as Michelangelo. They were perfect. From their personalities, voices, and the actual motion capture itself, it was exactly what I had hoped for. Splinter, voiced by Tony Shalhou,b felt somewhat empty. Splinter wasn’t the wise sensei that instilled honor and patience in his turtles, but more of a grumpier old man version of Splinter. As far as the bad guys go, William Fichtner who plays Eric Sacks, one of the scientists behind the creation of the mutated turtles is done reasonably well. Shredder, played by Tohoru Masamune is done exactly as he should be done. Mean, vicious, and unforgiving with a hidden agenda that you can never really understand. Now, how is the writing of the movie?
Writing:
Picture this, three people are shown a picture of a turtle and are told to draw it. Now, you get three different pictures, and put them together. What do you get? A really weird mashup of Comedy, drama, and science fiction that strangely works. The story is pretty much exactly what I expected because it is THE story of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and the reboot stayed true to this for the most part, which I was very happy about. However; one thing that does not work in its favor is the pacing of the film. Everything felt rushed, there weren’t really any moments of the turtles just hanging out and being dudes. They were either fighting, or running almost the entire movie. I was hoping for a classic Ninja Turtles experience, I still got that, but in a more watered down way.
I feel bad for saying bad things about the movie, because I honestly really enjoyed it, but I have to be professional and honest about it. The Turtles in a half shell were perfect, and almost over shadow all the bad aspects of the movie. I feel as if the movie was written for people who grew up watching TMNT because it can get pretty adult at some points throughout the movie. The Foot Clan are not idiotic teenagers being trained to be criminal ninjas. Instead, now they’re domestic terrorists that kill people pretty violently. I can recall one scene where they use this toxic gas to kill one of their own men, which caused him to convulse violently, then his skin started to bubble and burn. I honestly do not know if I could recommend taking your children to see it. This film is much more of an adult version of TMNT. How does the film look though?
CGI:
Now, this is where the movie shines. The turtles are done so well from the little scars on their skin, to the little details of their weapons and shells. I couldn’t have asked for better looking turtles, not to mention that they’re HUGE. The fight scenes are just badass. The turtles can actually do some really cool sh*t now. And can I just talk about how cool Shredder looks? Shredder literally has one of the coolest suits of armor I have ever seen. Every encounter with the Shredder was always a treat. The movie nails the core principles of TMNT, it just lacks in other departments.
So, I hit all the good points, and the not so good points of the movie. I would recommend anyone to go see it though if you haven’t. Like Coheed and Cambria, you either love it or you hate it (that was for you Stephen). The Turtles in a half shell are fantastic, but their surroundings are not so fantastic. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles gets a 3 out of 4.